44 Things Only Guernsey People Will Understand

Living on such a small island has its pros and cons. We're a weird bunch, apparently. Here's my list of 44 things only Guernsey people will understand!

1. Waits for a bus, gets on the bus 20 minutes later...



2. "Guernsey cows found in woman's house"...Yup, pretty standard




3. It's not normal if you're out for a walk and a stranger who passes you doesn't say hello




4. It was just FAR TOO EXCITING when we got our first jet engine plane




5. Goes to England, gets a McDonalds straight away




6. Does anyone actually understand why the seafront road layout has been changed?





7. It's perfectly acceptable to get a Mr Whippy from a beach kiosk in the winter 




8. If you've never lost a wing mirror in the narrow roads, you're one of the lucky ones




9. Joining the other 65,000 islanders in M&S when the island's first escalators opened, just going up and down multiple times 


10. You can't beat west coast sunsets




11. That idiot who doesn't know how filters-in-turn work




12. Trying to explain to a non-islander that Guernsey doesn't have motorways or fast food places and waiting for the 'WHAT KIND OF PLACE IS THIS?!' 




13. That feeling you get when people say they've been to Jersey but not Guernsey




14. Having to "go around Sark to get to Herm" with all the continuous road closures 




15. Driving slowly and impatiently on main roads because there's a horse in front




16. It's perfectly normal not to even own a house key




17. Not being surprised when the front page news is "aerial stolen from car"




18. Being absolutely terrified when approaching the one and only roundabout on the island




19. Queuing at Senners' bakery at 7am on Good Friday to buy hot cross buns




20. Accelerating like your life depends on it when you move from a 25 to a 35mph zone




21. When you're running late and then have to stop your car in the road to let cows cross 




22. You can tell when the weather's been rough... the supermarket shelves are empty because the boats haven't got in




23. The struggle when you need to buy something on a Sunday but you can't because the whole island is in hibernation




24. Having to order things a few days in advance because there's no weekend postal deliveries




25. Going into town and seeing at least 20 million people you know




26...and going over your parking time because they all stop to talk to you




27. Visiting the UK and being totally gobsmacked at how cheap food is. 



28. Being used to being called "posh" by non-islanders




29. Hardly ever getting a flight on time because of fog




30. Having to carefully contemplate which shoes would be most sensible to wear on the cobbled high street



31. Never being able to wear any item of clothing without bumping into someone wearing the exact same thing




32. Being reminded to "take your passport" when you say you're going to the Vale




33. When you realise you may as well have stayed in to watch a movie because your TV is bigger than the cinema screen




34. Arriving at the airport 15 minutes before your flight as cool as a cucumber 




35. Feeling your house shake and going on Twitter to read confirmation from other islanders that we REALLY DID JUST HAVE AN EARTHQUAKE




36. The Guernsey Press' April Fools jokes are admittedly quite funny



37. The frustration before a holiday to the UK when you have to remove all your Guernsey money from your purse




38. Enjoying watching non-islanders' confused faces when you show them a £1 note 




39. Getting dizzy driving up/down the Val de Terres




40. Getting excited about driving 35mph along the coast roads and being truly disappointed when you end up following a car who thinks the speed limit is 15




41. Getting online purchases delivered to relatives in the UK because the company don't deliver to Guernsey





42. Potholes. EVERYWHERE!




43. Waving from your car every 2 minutes when someone you know drives past




44. Feeling both blessed and infuriated that you live in such a weird and wonderful place 



So Guerns... do you feel me?!

If you have any more comment them below or send them to me and I may do another list of things that only Guernsey people understand! It's a funny little place to live but I do love it really! x

37 comments

  1. Brilliant Steph....all sooo true 😀

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    1. Aw you're welcome glad you like it!

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    2. I am 68, but grew up in Guernsey Late 50s 60s My father was a Guernseyman! Guernsey will forever be in my heart. It was my home, for a few years at least! Loved your article.

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  3. Brilliant and sooo true

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  4. Brill you've really made me smile as i live on the mainland now and i am so home sick its unbelievable want to come home x

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    1. I'm at uni and know how you feel! I always really really miss it! There's just no place like home is there? x

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  5. All good, except there are a lot more roundabouts than just one.

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  6. Recently moved to uk. Love and miss all if these statements and more :0)

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  7. How non-islanders attempt to pronounce place names and leave you so confused and sure that the place doesn't exist until 5mins later someone points out 'oh do you think they meant ......' and it all suddenly makes sense

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    1. Ha that's such a good one!!! *makes a note to include it in the next blog post*

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  8. These are all so brilliant & so true. Thank you for putting a smile on my face tonight! Dania

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    1. Aww so glad to have done that!! But it's good ol' guernsey not me!

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  9. Amazing Steph made me smile all the way through '' people dont understand that we only have 1 acute hospital'' also think we are having a laugh when we board a Joey (flying in a tin can has been said) !!

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    1. Two more brilliant suggestions, thanks Theresa!!

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  10. Great list! There used to be an escalator in a shop in town, so long ago i can't remember which.. Maybe a Le Riches or similar, that used to be at the top of the steps from the Arcade to the markets. Grrr! I wish i could remember, lol!

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    1. Yes it was where Specsavers is now. Think it was Le Riche, they sold home stuff upstairs, can't remember what downstairs!

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  11. I remember the Co-Op was right there in that area.

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  12. Always have to check which way the wind is blowing before deciding which beach to go to.

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  13. When you live in town and someone says I'll meet you at Cobo, and you're thinking about the distance.......

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  14. I'm not a Guern but I did understand all those statements. Must be something to do with visiting every year for 46 years and for the last 20 of them I've been coming 3 times a year.

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  15. There is also the very real struggle of telling people you come from Guernsey and they look at you funny and ask where it is so you have to explain and then they ask if you are English or French

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  16. Loved all of it - well done!

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  17. Its brilliant :)

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  18. Reminds me why I am from Alderney, the top Island.

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  19. Fantastic- a friend forwarded this to me on Facebook. Thanks so much for the good humour, really excellent!
    Dan

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  20. Holidayed in Guernsey 30 times in 27 years, loved every minute, I remember the roundabout near The Vale Road and also one near St Martins (I think) that was just a huge tractor tyre in the middle of the road. The lady photographer in the skinniest bikini on the pavement in St Peter Port, just near the Town church. What a tan she had. But a really wonderful sight for me was the sun going down viewed from the hotel in ( again I think) Cobo Bay. And our ever lasting memories of the friends we made with the lovely Guernsey people., Peter, Betty, Janet, John, Jodi, Stephen, Marie, etc. etc.

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  21. A friend sent me an email with the link several weeks ago, but I somehow managed to leave it unopened until today. I can certainly relate to many of the comments, despite having left the island in 1967 and now living in Hertfordshire. This gave me a good (and much appreciated) laugh. I continue to love the island where I was born and grew up, but regrettably could not afford to move back now! I still have some extended family and friends there, so the occasional visit is always on the cards.

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  22. Well done Steph, just received this on Facebook from a friend. Live in Dorset now, but everything you say is so correct. I agree with what was commented about people asking for directions - I had some really funny ones when I lived there. A couple of others would be the bathing pools - I think they are quite unique and I also remember that people used to go around our Estate shouting "mackerel" on a Friday night and selling it from the back of their van and of course the lovely crab you could buy.

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  23. each list you write makes me love our little island just that much more :) Thank you Steph please keep them coming xx

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  24. Made me laugh . Evan watching from a bus when you go around a bend and a foreign car and the passengers faces in the cars . Looking horrified.
    When you say a and isit when you talk to people

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  25. Thanks Steph - brilliant stuff! I sent it to my family who went to Australia 9 years ago. It is my son's birthday and it made his day!

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  26. What about "cherie" and no one understands what you are saying when you say goodbye lol! Now we are in New Zealand and the only time my husband uses it is when is talks to his mother on the phone... I still giggle when I hear him :)

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